


Shared Spaces.

by bluessunset



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Roommates, Slow Burn, dan thinks he’s straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:32:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluessunset/pseuds/bluessunset
Summary: The life of a twenty-something-year-old can be quite depressing and nerve-racking. And expensive. Dan is one person amongst four others who decided to continue to live the way they did back in uni by renting a shared space.Things get a bit weird when number six comes along, as Dan looks for a way to get in one of their housemate's pants and finds out that the new person is making it harder for him to do so. Or perhaps he’s just not liking the vibes he’s getting from the sixth roommate, even more so when the vibes aren’t exactly the bad kind.





	1. Someone new.

Usually when I tell people I live in one apartment with five different people they stare weirdly, then they ask my age, and when I say I’m twenty five they stare at me even weirder. Maybe it’s hard for the independent and let’s not hide it, selfish people of twenty first’s century to fathom the idea of sharing a space with other people around your age that aren’t your family, but it’s doable. 

Then they ask how it feels like, and I tell them it’s really fucking awful. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against my roommates. But each of them has a nice set of flaws that make living together an actual nightmare. Luckily we manage to not kill each other, alcohol helps of course. 

Many nights are fun, we sit around our obnoxious circular dining table and play board games for hours on end. The table has been flipped only two times because of some anger issues. 

Sometimes we put the volume on the speakers loud and dance to whatever is playing on Spotify whilst cooking dinner. Many things are less depressive when you do them with a group of best friends but sometimes you see their ugly parts that make you question why the hell they are your best friend.

And sometimes you catch yourself having feelings for one of them, and that makes it hundred times more harder. Suddenly you’re imagining the person naked and in bed with you which is perfectly acceptable when you’re not creepy about it. 

All in all living alone seems like the last thing I will ever want to do. Even if living together is tremendous for everyone involved. 

“Dan, if you don’t exit that fucking bathroom I will drown you in my own fucking pee!” I jumped when the bathroom door banged right after I hopped out of the shower. My lovely roommate Beth, one fiery drama queen with raspy voice and an attitude, found a lot of ways to get me heated. Interrupting my alone time in the bathroom was one of them. 

 

“Fuck off!” I shouted back, not in an angry way but more in a ‘occupied’ kind of way. Beth and I share less polite language with each other. 

“Oh no Dan Howell, I’m peeing in your bed. Have fun washing the sheets.” Before she could go anywhere I opened the door with nothing but a towel on. She didn’t batch an eye on me and stormed right in. She pushed my half naked body out and the door lock clicked. 

Beth and I met not that long ago. She was Garrett’s first monogamous girlfriend, who he broke up with five months later. However, we grew pretty fond of her and kind of hoped she would get back with Garrett as most of his girlfriends are petty bitches, so we let her stay. She’s not as intimidating as she looks. In fact, she’s quite a coward when it comes to spiders, dark spaces, clowns and other classics. She’s a hard candy with a gooey inside and it’s very entertaining to see her soft part reveal itself. 

After getting dressed and fixing my unruly mop of curly hair I entered our main sitting area. We needed a big space for five people so our place is actually an old warehouse, with the pipes and everything. It’s a big open space with the kitchen, the living room and the dining room mixed together in a one big room without the walls in between. Upstairs there are six rooms and two bathrooms, one of them has a toilet. I choose the one with the toilet because I keep all my hygiene products there. I share it with Garrett, the only dude other than me in the house which means I’ve seen his penis more times than I would like to. 

Beth, Florence and Sophia are the three girls that probably don’t have it easy either. Granted, I try to minimize my nasty side of manhood but it’s Garrett who brakes all the rules in their book. He’s more of a ‘lad’ type than me. He goes to the gym, has girls over all the time and eats dry cereal directly out of the box (with bare hands that he doesn’t wash after a toilet visit). Yeah, he’s that guy. He has darkened blond hair and actual muscles under his shirt, not those mini ones you get after you hit puberty (which I don’t think I fully hit yet). He’s been scary to me since first year of uni and still is sometimes, but oddly enough we became best friends after all. 

Everyone but Beth sat in the living room too, each of them at their preferred spot. Sophia on the longest couch with Flo, her legs stretched out over Flo’s lap and Garrett on the leather chair (he bought this one himself from a flee market so no one even dares to sit there). 

They were talking but it didn’t look like their usual conversation. Garrett had his hands linked as he hunched forward with his elbows on his knees and Flo was listening to Soph, nodding to show she’s listening. 

“What happened?” I asked, rather foolishly but I only realized after the words left my mouth. They looked up at me, I couldn’t figure out if they looked unsure or scared. 

“There are some problems with the rent this month. We’re barely able to afford it again.” Flo answered, she’s the one who takes care of the bills. 

I hissed, taking a spot on the arm rest of the sofa. Suddenly I felt guilty.

“I told you guys I’m going to talk to my boss, maybe h’ill raise my pay. Or I can ask my parents, I’m sure we will get out of it just fine.” My voice descended when I saw Flo sigh when she flipped through her planner. Again, serious tone at this house was something to be afraid off. 

“Well, this time it’s not you. This apartment is too bloody expensive. That’s what you get for living in London. The fact that one person is unemployed doesn’t help either.” 

I could see fear in Sophia’s eyes when she listened to Flo. I offered her a comforting smile and went to sit next to her. She gave me one back and my heart immediately jumped. 

Sophia was that one attractive person in the group that I couldn’t keep my mind off. She was drop dead gorgeous with Italian roots characterized by her full lips and soft olive skin. She was a fashion student and it shows as her everyday outfits are always very well put together. I’m well aware that I don’t have any chances with her, but I keep on flirting with her regardless, which she supposedly finds pretty endearing (she admitted it once after five glasses of dark red wine). 

“You act as if we’re going to get kicked out and end up living on the streets. We had the same problem a year ago, right? And we got out of it, so what’s the big deal.” Garrett argued, perhaps because he felt bad that Beth was mentioned and he was the one that let her stay here without paying the rent. Not to mention Flo and Beth we’re never on good terms. 

“Yeah, but our landlord was threatening to get us evicted and you didn’t have to sit with him and explain that it was all because your roommate let his one night stand live with us! Luckily it was Dan who saved us thanks to his dad and he fucking hates his dad! Meanwhile you sat on your ass and did nothing!” Florence snapped back, slamming her notebook shut. 

The things started to get heated. Me and Soph stared into the void, scared to say a word. I just hoped Beth won’t walk in, otherwise we’re in for a lot of Spanish cus words, chairs flying and bloody noses. 

“You guys clearly said it was not a problem for her to live here, so don’t put the blame on me!” Garrett’s voice went an octave higher and my head dropped. Suddenly I was seven again, sitting at the top of my stair case whilst my parents fought in the kitchen, chairs and picture frames flying and dropping to the ground. Fortunately, this argument won’t end up in a nasty divorce, followed by a remarriage two years later. 

Thankfully, Sophia- bless her heart- came up with a decent idea. I’m saying decent because I wasn’t fully with her on that one, but it seemed to kill their argumentative mood and make Florence think rationally again. 

“What if we get one more roommate? This appartement has six bedrooms anyway and it will help pay the rent. I think I even know a candidate.” 

At first we all stared at her as if she grew a second head, but then we gave it a second thought. I was still a little skeptical, the whole point of living together was that we were all very good friends, learning to like a new person will be quite difficult (especially for me). 

But of course, my opinion doesn’t matter in this house. Flo agreed almost immediately, happy that she will finally be able to put her stress on hold. 

“Fine, I hope he or she has a stable job and knows how to clean after themselves.” With that Flo stood up and left to her room. 

I switch my gaze from my lap to Garrett, who’s still a little bit shaken from their fight. His face was beet red and he was playing with his phone in his hands. Florence can be quite mean but she’s just bafflingly honest and that’s both her bad and good trait. But Garrett feels bad, especially after she blamed him and Beth for everything once again. 

“Maybe you should go and talk with her in private? You know Flo, she’s a scorpio and all.” Sophia lend a bit of advice to Garrett, to which he listened and followed Flo to her room, not saying a word. 

A moment of silence passed them before Sophia started laughing. “What?” I asked to which she gave me a push on my shoulder. 

“This is usually the moment when you make a cheesy joke about us being alone in one room.” she wiggled her thick caterpillar like eyebrows at me and giggled some more. I couldn’t help but blush, then remembered that men don’t blush and cleared my throat. 

“I thought you hated those jokes.” 

“It doesn’t mean you can’t make them. To be honest, I prefer that over an uncomfortable silence.” I noticed her moving closer when she talked. I stared in her green eyes and my fingers twitched to hold her hand. One voice inside my head screamed at me to make a move and that it’s my last chance, but the other voice told me it would make everything weird and uncomfortable. Especially inside our house. 

I vividly remember when Beth was still with Garrett, and their constant making-out sessions on every surface of the house. Who knows if they constricted themselves to only making out. 

“Well, since we’re alone together we can settle on a comfortable silence. Unless you want me to be all 2011 again and try my pick up lines on you.” It was my turn to wiggle my eyebrows at her. She laughed manically in response, breaking the gaze and expanding the personal space between us. I wasn’t that mad about it. 

“Honestly, shoot your shot.” she finally said after two minutes of laughter. 

“If you were a flower, you would be a damnnndelion.” 

She laughed, then snorted, then we both burst out laughing on the couch like two toddlers that heard the dirtiest joke ever. It wasn’t even that funny but we couldn’t help and just laugh. 

Despite our flirty conversation, something deep inside me told me that it will never happen. She’s going to get a boyfriend soon enough, a handsome and rich football player or an actual lawyer not a loser that dropped out of law school. But, to be honest, it won’t really matter. 

-


	2. mr.perfect

I can tell Phil Lester won’t fit in with us the moment he appeared inside our house. He’s Sophia’s old childhood friend she recently got back in touch with. I wasn’t really in on the idea of another roommate from the beginning but now, looking at him ,I can tell that it’s the worst idea ever. 

My first impression of him is that he’s very awkward. He’s sitting on the chair at our dining table with his hands on his lap, his eyes roam around the apartment as if he’s trying to avoid everyone’s gaze. He’s almost as tall as me but very lanky and also not a muscular type, which might be the only thing positive about him (I can’t have two very fit guys in the house, otherwise I would have to find my gym card and motivation to finally star working out, but you know pizza is better).  
His skin is very pale -almost translucent-in contrast with his dark hair styled in a mainstream quiff everyone’s rocking st the moment. 

Alright, I can’t judge him that hard, we’re oddly very similar. He mentioned he’s not a sports fan when Garrett asked and he’s also very into video games and anime. Next thing to mention is that he’s almost thirty and he doesn’t even have a girlfriend. That’s the same situation I am in right now, but somehow I feel like I cannot trust him. 

We were sitting in the dining area of our downstairs room, all anxious and nervous about the guest sitting with us who might be our new roommate. The radio on the counter was playing dinner music, setting up a mood for what will be a fun get together. We usually eat apart as our schedules clash but today we found a moment when we’re all at home to eat Flo’s delicious curry and of course meet Phil. 

“So Phil-“ Garrett asked mid complaining about how hungry and tired he is. Sophia and Flo are cooking in the kitchen and Beth is scrolling through her instagram feed to avoid the conversation.

Up to this point we held ourselves in from bombarding Phil with questions, but of course Garrett, the curious cat couldn’t help himself. 

“What do you do for work exactly?” 

“Oh, I work as a video editor. I’ve been a freelancer for most of my career but now I found this production studio in London.” Beth, Garrett and I gave him an impressed look. Garrett even whistled. 

“That’s impressive. Anything on a Hollywood scale or more casual?” Beth chirped in. Phil smiled and blushed, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. 

“I don’t really know yet, the company is quite discreet, don’t know why. But let’s just say it’s for more commercial movies that play in the cinema” He said with a slight shrug. 

“Marvel!” Garrett shouted out like an excited child, to which Phil laughed. 

“Not Marvel, I wish though.” He answered with a cheeky smile. I remained silent, didn’t really feel like joining the conversation. It’s not like I cared. 

“See, I told you guys he’s special.” Sophia remarked from the kitchen. 

Oh please, he’s not that special, just lucky. 

“Maybe you could help Dan get a role in some movie, huh Dan?” Beth, who was seated next to me, nudged me in my arm. There goes my no contribution to the conversation. To make things even worse I had the infamous Phil Lester staring at me in surprise. 

“You’re an actor?” He asked, his pair of thin eyebrows raising. 

“Not really. I never went to film school or anything, but I’m thinking about it. I always wanted to be an actor growing up.” I admitted. That was one thing I strived for, being honest. Unfortunately taking acting lessons and going to auditions just seems like a time-wasting thing for me so I don’t mention it to anyone anymore. 

“Unfortunately it’s not in my district, but I’ll tell you when some castings take place.” Phil’s smile made me shudder and I just shrugged in response. I can’t help it, if I get a bad feeling about someone I cannot pretend that I like them. It goes against my ‘being honest’ shtick. 

“Dinners ready!” Florence announced, carrying a large pot. Sophia strolled with hands full of rice and naan bread behind her. I hopped right out of my chair to go and take some of the dishes from her hands but she stopped me by ignoring my attempt at helping her. 

“I can make love to your curry, you know that?” Garrett said when the food arrived at the table. I caught Phil chuckle and suppress an urge to roll my eyes. 

“Wait at least until we’re done eating. Dan can pass me the rice?” Sophia asked. When I reach to give her the dish, my arm makes contact with the hot pot and I hiss from the pain. Suddenly my arm surges up what causes a little bit of the rice to fly from the dish and land directly onto Phil’s hair. 

We’re all silent for a moment. I put down the dish and go to sit back in my chair whilst everyone stares at me in shock, and at Phil who now has rice in his hair and is trying to pick it out. 

“Fuck, shit, I’m sorry. I’m-“

“Come on Dan, he doesn’t even live here yet and you’re already throwing rice at him.” Sophia says, which makes my cheeks immediately red. I open my mouth to say something but close it when I hear Phil laugh. 

“It’s okay, I’m surprised it didn’t happen to me yet. Also, rice is supposedly good for your hair.” He says, picking out the last little grains, again with a smile. It doesn’t matter as Sophia continues to glare at me the entire evening and I try to repress the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach as I fill it with food. A few weeks ago she was all flirty with me on the couch and now she gets angry about the smallest things. 

After dinner, when the pot is pretty much empty and our stomachs full it’s very clear that Phil is here to stay. He’s pretty much perfect. 

He has a bachelor in language in linguistics and a master in postproduction or something like that. That just shows that I (an uni dropout) am to dumb to understand what he’s saying. He’s single, as far as I can tell but so is everybody in the house (Garrett every few weeks) so that’s a plus too. He’s pretty shy but in a charming way and doesn’t seem to be an asshole yet. He’s a lot like us, normal but not normal. Not normal enough to be completely bland and boring but normal enough to not end up in an asylum. 

And yet there’s something about him I can’t fucking stand. 

It’s those little mannerisms, like his giggles at every word that is said at the table. Or the fact that he hates cheese, what sick person hates cheese? Im pretty sure it’s probably his closeness with Sophia though, and the fact that she got mad at me when I threw rice in his hair accidentally. 

He says he has to go home as his last train is leaving soon (he came here all the way from Manchester) but no one wants him to leave. Apart of me of course. Even Flo tells him ‘see you soon’ and that’s when I know for sure that he is our new roommate. 

“He’s amazing.” Beth says first. We’re grabbing the dishes from the table and everyone is still on the Phil-high from earlier. 

“I know right? He’s so adorable, like a nerdy kid from high school but all grown up and rich. Where did you find him?” Flo asks Sophia meanwhile the two of them wash the dishes. I’m next to them helping drying them off and putting them back in the cupboards. 

Sophia, full of pride of course, shrugs. “He was my best friend for the longest time when I lived with my parents in Manchester. When I came to study here we drifted but like a week ago he messaged me to ask if I need a roommate because he found a job in London. I was about to ask you guys if you wanted a roommate and that was a perfect opportunity. Hopefully he wasn’t weirded out by Dan and decides to live with us.” She ended her speech with a death stare in my direction. I stuck my tongue at her whilst drying off the last plate, but deep inside I was a little bit hurt. 

I didn’t succeed to scare Phil off, because he came here exactly two weeks later with a suitcase and boxes full off random stuff. Everything from books to fairy lights to little figurines. Even some toys like a little plastic guinea pig. “I always wanted one but I’m allergic to almost all pets so my mom bought a fake one. Number one parent, I guess.” He told the anecdote no one asked for, but I smiled regardless. Of course Soph made me help him unpack because I was the only one at home when he came in. 

His room was also inconveniently next to mine, which meant I’m even closer to the guy that I don’t really like. On the first night I heard him call his parents. He told them that London is big but scary because every few minutes he can hear police sirens and people shouting. Okay, it was a little bit creepy of me to listen to the conversations with his parents like that but one thing made me very curious. I almost couldn’t sleep that night because I kept thinking about it. 

“No mom, he’s not here. Yeah, he called but I didn’t answer... sorry but I don’t want to talk about it at the moment.” 

He sounded very serious, but the next day he was thriving, making pancakes for breakfast and talking with Beth about their favorite musicals. 

I had to leave for work. I work on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays and of course at Saturdays evening. In the week I work in Topshop and in the weekend I’m barman’s assistent at one of the infamous nightclubs in London. As you can tell those two tings have nothing in correlation with each other because I, to everyone’s surprise, don’t know what to do with my life. It’s what pays the bills at the moment. 

My day at work usually looks like this: I check in, sit in the toilet for the first five to ten minutes to avoid interactions before opening hours. Then I get out and ask manager which spot I have to occupy, usually it’s the man’s section because they don’t trust a 1,80 meter long man to handle womenswear. There I jump from cash register to fitting room hours on end until I end my shift, eat lunch alone because just as in the morning I avoid all interactions. After I eat my sandwich from tesco and drink very unpleasant coffee, I jump back into the shop till I can check out again. 

Today was a little bit different. Instead of avoiding interactions I was forced into one by an unfamiliar face. I swear I’m starting to attract new people into my life and I have to admit I’m not fond of it. 

“Got a cig, mate?” He asked in a very odd accent. I looked up at his very awkward looking face, a face that might as well be copied from one of the posters in the shop. 

“No, sorry.” I mumbled, with half the turkey sandwich in my mouth. 

“Not a problem, mate.” He answered, and before I hoped he would go away I felt another body sit on the same very uncomfortable bench I was sitting at, overlooking a dull looking park (all the pretty brown and red leaves have already fallen, leaving a mushy texture on the grass). 

After five minutes of the most uncomfortable silence I ever had to be a part of, the stranger spoke up. “You know, I think I recognize you from somewhere.” He said, I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. There are many, many times I’ve done something high-key awkward and the possibility that some strange dude noticed is very high. 

“Aren’t you like a barista or something?” 

I sighed from relief and nodded. 

“Yeah.”

“Funny thing huh. Well I got to say I sat at the bar for a long time that day.” He said, in that flirtatious tone I was too familiar with. The tone I use on Sophie when we’re playful with each other. But this time it was from a dude, an actual dude. Not to mention that he’s a complete stranger at the park who could easily drag my body to the nearest bush and kill me. 

“Sorry mate, I got to head back to work. Cheers.” My feet took off, faster pace that usual. I turned my head and was happy the dude wasn’t following me or something. That was really fucking weird. 

When I entered the house I knew it was empty. I called two times to make sure but when no one answered I whispered a yes, doing the celebratory motion with my fist. It meant that I had tv and food to myself, an actual heaven. 

Little did I know I wasn’t so alone after all. Suddenly small weeps started coming from the toilet, the one me and Garrett, and now Phil too, share. I turned the tv off and quietly tiptoed upstairs to investigate. It could be Florence, she hasn’t been having a good time lately. Her dad is sick and might have to have a surgery, she’s been pretty down about it. 

But I wasn’t right, because when I gently knocked on the door and asked if everything is alright, a manly voice answered. 

“Phil?” I asked before the door opened. And there he was, mister perfect, all red eyed and snotty nosed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it xx


	3. This is halloween.

Dinner that day was awkward. Sophie and Beth arrived at the same time and bought Thai takeout for the four of us. They attend the same university but Beth is doing her second year bachelors and Sophia is finishing her masters. It’s a habit when their schedules meet that they buy takeout for us. 

They were very busy in conversation with each other about lectures whilst Phil ate in silence, not exactly there with his head. I stared at him from the corner of my eye, his face wasn’t as pale as before, he looked normal but that classic smile of his wasn’t there. 

“You’re alright?” Sophie asked, turning one-eighty to face Phil, who snapped back from the daydream and nodded. 

“Just tired that’s all, we had an introduction day at work and I had to walk like hundred flights of stairs.” He sighed, sinking down the chair. Sophia smiled, brushing her hand, chopsticks between her middle and pointing finger, through his thin, raven black hair and I just sighed. 

“It’s still crazy to me that you’re going to work on actual movies. Remember when we used to make movies at home? When I made the costumes and you filmed them?” 

Phil’s mood seemed to pick up, as the previous half frown changed into a genuine smile, his smile. “Of course, we used to make remakes of our favorite movies.”

“And because we were the weird kids we remade candyman, scream and the blair witch project instead of Disney movies.” Sophia filled in after Phil, beaming at the reminiscence of their shared childhood. 

“I would give thousand pounds to see it.” I admitted jokingly, both Sophia and Phil laughed. 

“In the middle of filming blair witch Sophia got scared of the witch we made up and forgot that she wasn’t real. The scenes were priceless though.”

“Dear god, to think that your parents let you watch those films.” Beth noticed. 

“They hadn’t.” Phil and Sophie said in unison. 

“Phil’s older brother let us watch them with him when he babysat us. Those were the times.” 

I know it was stupid of me to be jealous, but I was. Phil was a special person in Soph’s heart, she shared with him her whore childhood. She only knows me for three years, and didn’t even like me for the first two. How could I ever compete with the old soulmate she will probably, inevitably fall in love with. 

Suddenly a loud slam of the door made us all jump two feet in the air. I almost covered Phil in rice the second time. 

“I cannot believe you did it!” We heard Flo’s high pitched shout, at what we quickly assumed was Garrett. 

“What did he do?” Beth was first to react. She stood up from the table and went over to the front door where furious Flo stood in a red raincoat and damp hair. 

“He, your fucking ex-boyfriend, decided to invite all of our friends to a halloween party.” She shouted, pointing her finger at the embarrassed Garrett trying to take off his boots in the corner. Beth crossed her arms and stared in confusion. 

“That’s why you’re angry?” 

“Yes, because guess where he’s inviting them? Yes you guessed it, our house! He wants to have a party here with over forty people!” We all went silent. 

“Well, it can be fun, right? Good opportunity to meet new people?” Phil asked Sophia quietly, but didn’t get an answer. 

Because he doesn’t know that we haven’t had a (planned) party at this house for months, maybe even years. 

In fact, we used to host parties all the time at this apartment, to the point where each weird holiday on the calendar was a reason to celebrate. It had it’s up sides, one of those was a massive group of friends and new people we met every week. We then saw those people again, and again, and again... eventually they practically lived here. The measures had to be made when one of them threw in Sophia’s very enormous and expensive house plant and stole Flo’s beloved cat ‘bowtie’. 

But then one day when a female, almost nineteen year old Beth’s friend from uni was found making out with Garrett’s passed out body (not his lips, his feet) before she attempted to jump out of the window (mind you we live on a tenth floor)... the line was drawn. Since that night we never host parties. 

“Well, I was pressured into an uncomfortable situation at the gym, Jack asked me why I never host parties no more and I blurted it out, sorry.” 

“Your little steroid pumped friend will be here too? I’m going to pass out.” Beth held onto the couch to keep her from falling over and we all stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say. 

I’m not a big fan of parties, I have to admit that. The ones at our apartment were fun sometimes but they just lead to a bad atmosphere and no one wanted to deal with that again. But girls are a little bit overreacting, so I decided (what I usually never do) to intervene. 

“Guys, it’s just a halloween party, no big deal. We can carve some pumpkins, dress up... it could be fun.” At the mention of dressing up Sophie’s head perked up, if she was a dog she would probably be wagging her tail. 

“That’s a perfect idea. Phil, you could be sharkboy to my lavagirl!” She announced excitedly, grabbing at his jumper. 

“Oh dear.” Phil mused, and I glared at him for a split second. 

Again, she’s giving him all her attention. 

“Okay, a halloween party it is, but we have to set up some ground rules.” Florence took out her phone and opened notepad app. 

“No alcohol above fourty percent. We have to know every guest personally, they can be a friend of a friend at least. Puking only in the bathroom, the toilet bowl specifically.” Her stare pointed at Beth, “No staying over, if someone’s too drunk to go home we order them an uber. And no sex.” 

Garrett, Beth and Sophia looked down to the ground in embarrassment at the last rule. I was the only person that didn’t hook up with anyone at this apartment and as embarrassing as it sounds I don’t really mind it (at least I didn’t have to experience the famous walk of shame). 

The rest of the evening everyone was occupied with plannings for the party. Inviting people, planning out decor and music playlists and last but not at least the costumes. Of fucking course Sophia and Phil will have a couples costume. I’m not sure anymore if she’s simply teasing me because she knows how much I’m crushing on her or she’s completely unaware of what she’s doing to me. 

Before going to bed I heard someone knocking at my door. Beth stood at the door, her wet, red hair sticked to her pyjama shirt creating water stains on the fabric. Her makeup less face made her look even younger, her eyes appeared smaller without the winged eyeliner and two layers of mascara. She made me think of my younger brother who used to come to my room in the evenings because something was bothering him. 

“Can I come in?” She asked, I knew it was something serious. She never asks to come in to my room. Usually she just storms right in to wake me up for work or steal my shirt because its oversized and makes her look like she has a boyfriend. 

“Yeah, sure.” I answered, sitting up. She closed the door went to sit on the bed next to my leg sideways, kicking her legs up to sit Indian style. 

“This may sound nosy of me but do you still like Sophia?” 

I chuckled a little. “When did I stop liking her?” 

I told Beth once about my crush on our roommate, funnily enough it was on the same day as the last party at our apartment. We happened to both sit on the balcony, she was smoking her cigarette and I was trying to sober up. We were talking about relationships, at that time she was still with Garrett but their relationship was falling short. She asked me if it wasn’t weird to have two roommates in a relationship. 

“No, I mean... if I could choose to be in a relationship with someone in this house I would too.” I said, not thinking my words through. 

“Wait, seriously? With who?” 

And that’s when I admitted it. She found it cute, but never commented on it more. Until now. 

She was picking at my sheets, the black and white ones I bought at Ikea. A smile appeared on her face. “You’re probably pretty jealous of Phil, right?”

I sighed. “Is it that visible?” 

She laughed. “I’m pretty sure she noticed it too but is too embarrassed to confront you about it.”

“It’s just... there is something weird about Phil.” I lowered my voice down, knowing he’s just a paper thin wall away. “He was fucking crying in the bathroom this evening. He didn’t say a word about it, and when you and Sophia came home he was suddenly alright.” 

Beth shrugged. “I mean, he’s probably just homesick. But I know what you mean we don’t really know much about him but-“ she paused as she jumped off my bed. “I think we should get to know him better. Who knows maybe you two will get along in the end.” 

As much as I wanted to agree with her, make a new friend and stop that jealous feeling in the pit of my stomach,   
I couldn’t process the idea of me and Phil being even remotely close.


	4. Hide and seek.

On Saturday our apartment turned into a waiting room for a Hollywood's blockbuster audition. A cluster of disney characters, horror movie villains and overall things that I had nightmares about growing up were dancing and drinking on he floor of my flat. And I, a skeleton in a black hoodie and black jeans combo, felt terribly out of place. It was my own house for God's sake, but the only people I knew were a guy in Jesus costume who used to be Flo's uber driver (whom she also dated for three weeks) and a girl in DIY minion costume, Beth's step-sister who lives two blocks away from us. Plus I recognized a few faces from the 'People you may know' feature on Facebook, but the rest of the guests were either wiped from my memory or there was no occasion to meet. 

The night was only so young, people were at their second drink and most of them were still very casual. Perhaps the parties don't get more exciting than this as we get older, perhaps that's the first and the final stage aleady. It's not like I mind, I would rather have them drinking cocktails and talking with each other than puking on my favorite carpet in the middle of the night. Let's hope it won't end up that way. 

As I sat there, observing all the faces I hadn't had a memory off my eyes fixed on Sophia, standing in a half circle with two other girl. She was wearing a dress that could be worn by Gucci models and sold for more money than even my father had in the bank. The top half of the dress was deeply red and progressed into much more darker shade at the bottom. A few red roses were pinned down to her hair styled into wavy curls and golden jewelry blinked from the so called 'mood lights' Florence set up all over the house. 

She dropped the idea of a couple costume with Phil a day before the party and ended up as Persephone. Despite her Italian roots she chose a Greek Goddess, but it was very in character for her to exceed everyone's expectations. 

She caught me staring and signed with her hand for me to come join her and her friends in conversation. That was fair, I was sat on the couch watching people by myself anyway. In a few ungrateful steps I went up to Sophia and the other girls who smiled at me brightly. 

"Dan, this is Hayley and Veronica, the two new fashion majors I took under my wing this semester." Sophia introduced, teasing at the fact that the two girls looked way younger, probably at the edge of nineteen. I shook both of their hands awkwardly. The girl who I assumed was Veronica was dressed in a very High School Musical-like cheerleader costume and Hayley had Mickey Mouse ears she probably bought as a souvenir from Disneyland atop of her head and a pink too-too around her waist. I can only assume they didn't have much time to plan out their costumes, otherwise they have a lot to learn as fashion majors. 

I can't really judge though, I must have the laziest costume at the party. 

"Hi Dan, you painted your face yourself?" The cheerleader asked, studying my face. I almost forgot about the makeup. 

"Yeah but the girls helped me with something they call 'countor', I only knew how to use white powder." I smiled sheepishly and they both giggled, covering their mouth with the hand that wasn't holding a beer bottle. 

"Keep lying Dan, without us you would look like a ghost or someone who hasn't been in a sun for two decades. Speaking of pale-" she paused, looking around for someone but I already knew who she meant. 

Her eyes stopped at the tall figure in a pikatchu onsie, who turned around and wived at the group. His cheeks were painted red with Sophia's red lipstick and his hair flopped down against his forehead under a hood resembling the pikatchu's face. Just as awkwardly as me, he walked over to us, trying to avoid bumping into dancing bodies that were in his way. 

"This is Phil, my childhood bestie." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He went to stand in between me and Sophia, which made me glare at him as per usual. 

Before we had a chance to talk further the music stopped and out of the crowd emerged Garrett in his 'muscular guy' costume, standing on a stool. He held a fake mic in his hand but everyone's attention was directed at his half naked body anyway so no one even noticed. He dressed up as a WWE fighter, red boxer shorts, two white stripes on both of his cheeks and a pair of boxing gloves around his neck. 

"Everyone's having fun?" The crowd of people cheered and held their drinks up in the air. "Good, who's up for a game of dark hide and seek?" 

The already tipsy people from the crowd cheered. The rest stayed silent looking at Garrett confusedly, I was one of them. He never told us he was planning to make a bunch of drunk young adults, with emphasis on drunk, hide all over our flat. I turned my head to see my other flatmates reacting rather enthusiastically, so I shrugged and went along. 

Whilst Garrett was explaining the rules I sneaked out to the kitchen to get myself a drink. Beth had the same idea, she stood in front of the open refrigerator when I came in, looking through various bottles of vodka soda's and beers. She was dressed up as Lara Croft, guns in the belt loops and all. I sneaked behind her to reach for a beer but didn't expect her to shriek and push me away, making me almost drop the bottle. 

"Oh shit, Dan, you scared the shit out of me." She shouted, still breathing deeply and gripping at her chest. 

"Hey, then my costume works." 

She looked up at me and laughed judgmentally. "Your makeup is smudged a little. I told you not to touch your face." She shook her head like a disappointed mother. 

"Yeah, I'm sweating a lot. It's super hot in here." I sighed, gripping at the neckline of my black hoodie to let a little bit of air in. 

"Take the jumper off." 

"I'm not wearing a t-shirt underneath." I admitted, quite stupidly I realized afterwards. 

"Then go for a sexy skeleton, maybe you'll get a little bit more original." She stuck her tongue and reached for a Smirnoff ice from the still open fridge. "See you." And she was gone. 

She had a point, but we both knew I wouldn't dare to show my 13 year old teenage boy body anyway. I have no muscle on me and most of the fat goes to my hips instead of my chest which means I'm basically shaped like a cereal box. I choose not to listen to her and went upstairs to change into a black shirt. It wouldn't be that hard to find as most of my wardrobe consist of various shades of black. 

Florence made us all lock our rooms and put the key in a safe place before the party began, but luckily I had a spare key in the houseplant next to my bedroom door. I peeled off my sweat covered sweatshirt and was about to look for the shirt when everything went black. I suddenly realized why Garrett's game is called 'dark hide and seek', he probably cut out the electricity in the apartment so no one would be tempted to put the light on. Then I heard my door click and it scared me shitless. 

Luckily, the streetlights from the outside made it bit more possible to make out who the stranger was, also the fact that he was wearing a bright yellow outfit made it a bit more fucking convenient. He didn't notice me as he went to sit in a corner behind my bed with his knees bend up and pressed to his chest. 

"Phil?" I hissed but he shushed me quickly. I saw him standing up and taking my wrist to pull me with him on the ground. I shrieked but he brought his hand to my mouth. 

"Sorry, I had to hide fast and this was the only open room." He whispered after taking his hand back from my mouth. I grimaced, this wasn't a situation I wanted to find myself in tonight, to be honest I wished to get semi-drunk and maybe flirt some more with Sophia. One of the things I did accomplish, as my mind was a bit wobbly from the beer I had a moment ago. 

"This is a shitty hiding spot. Come with me." This was definitely the tipsy Dan who was taking over but I don't care. I crawled to the closet with Phil on my tow and surprisingly the two one meter eighty adults fit into my medium sized closet with no problem. 

"Wow." Phil whispered, breaking the silence. 

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just... no leave it." He said, I could hear nervousness in his voice. 

"Now I'm curious." I murmured and Phil exhaled loudly from his nose, trying not to laugh at my response I guess. 

"It's not... I'm not serious but-" he was searching for his words, which made me pretty impatient. "Can I ask you a question?" 

I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me and said yes. 

"Do you hate me?" He changed his whispered voice into a more audible one. My cheeks burned from embarrassment. "Don't get me wrong but the way you glare at me all the time, and refuse to ever speak to me just makes me feel as if you do. Also, remember a week ago, I when you saw me crying and you just ignored me... did I do something wrong?" 

Even for my alcohol induced mind this was hard to digest, metaphorically of course. Nonetheless Phil was right, there was never an actual reason for me to dislike him other than his relationship with Sophia and my stupid jealousy. 

"Look Phil, it's not that I hate you... to put it simply I'm a really jealous person." I said in one breath. I couldn't see Phil's face but I could imagine he was furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. 

"Jealous off what exactly?" 

I huffed out loudly. Only Beth knew about this little secret of mine. So telling Phil, the person I usually try to avoid, wasn't that easy. I felt a lump forming in my throat but before shutting off completely I mumbled out: "Sophia." 

"Sophia? Really?" 

"Are you surprised? She's attached to your hip and constantly giving you attention." 

Phil was trying to hold in his laugh, I could tell by the noises he was making by pushing out air out of his closed up lips. "Wait, so you're seriously crushing on Sophia?"

"I am and I would like for it to stay between us, in this closet. By the way whoever is the seeker he's doing a terrible job." 

We both laughed, the atmosphere between us shifting 180 degrees. Maybe Beth was right in the end, all we needed to do was talk it out, get to know him. It doesn't mean I'm going to be besties with Phil Lester, he's still probably in love with Sophia but just doesn't want to tell me. 

"So to some it up, you don't hate me you're just jealous so that's why you're mean to me?"

"Am I mean to you?" I asked, but quickly realized that I really was. 

"Doesn't matter. You can like me or not, it's up to you but I can assure you I don't like Sophia." 

"Well I cannot be so sure about that, Sophia seems to really like you man."

"Well-" Phil started but was quickly cut off by a loud slam sound beneath us. It was powerful enough to make the ground shake. We both jumped out of the closet and I noticed out of the space between the door and the floor that the lights in the hallway were already on. 

We walked out carefully, scared to what might meet us downstairs as we slowly regained the sense of reality. The party, people gave up playing the stupid game twenty minutes ago and were lounging around the living room and talking again. 

As we were standing on the balustrade a figure appeared at the front door. He was tall and muscular, his hair looked as if he just walked out of the hairdressers and clothes dark and tight fitted. I know I saw that face somewhere, but couldn't figure out if it was a real person or a poster of a model at work. 

When he spoke up, it clicked. "Phil Lester? I know you're here." 

It was the guy from a few weeks ago, the one that accosted me at work. It almost made sense, but how the hell did he knew Phil. 

Speaking off Phil, he rushed down the stairs at the speed of light. Suddenly he was standing face to face with the chav, they looked straight out of a western movie. All the guests, me and my remaining flatmates included, stood at the outlines and watched what was about to happen. 

"Get out Jared, you're not supposed to be here!" Phil shouted and Garret, Beth, Florence and I all gasped in unison. Sophia even let out a small shriek. This was the first time any of us, even Soph saw Phil behaving like this. 

"You're not supposed to be here either, Philly! Running off like that wasn't kind of you but I found you now so..." me and probably many other people only now realized how hammered the man was. He was slurring a lot and had a hard time keeping his balance. 

"Go home Jared, please just go." Phil's voice cracked as he tried to push the man out the door. The man, despite his very drunken state, had his feet solid on the ground and didn't move an inch. 

Garret and I made a quick eye contact, waiting for another sign to help Phil out. We remained calm until the man pushed Phil away hard, making him almost trip over his feet. Automatically, we moved from out spot to get the man out of the apartment as quick as possible. 

"Oh I know you pretty boy, you're the barista! You're his next toy, huh? Next fucking pleasure?" I ignored his comments as we both kept on pushing his big body away past the threshold. We succeeded, slamming the door shut and double locking it. 

The attention went to Phil, who was now teary eyed (I got flashbacks from the last time I saw him in this state). All the puzzle pieces started to fit together but there was still this big gap I didn't know what to do with. 

"Who was this guy?" Sophia, already at Phil's side, stroking his back in a comforting manner asked, taking the words out of my mouth. 

"Jared... my ex fiancé." 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes xxx 
> 
> Thanks for reading !!


	5. family time

Throughout my life, I’ve been in a handful of awkward situations. Did I mention being bullied for most of my preteen years? I’ve had an entire bin thrown at me in class, obnoxious things written in my handbooks and my pants pulled down as I was walking down the stairs, resulting in me falling over with my whole undeveloped penis out in front of a girl I used to have a crush on.  
A jolly time it was.

But in this situation, I wasn’t the one being thrown under the bus. I should have been happy it wasn’t me, and laughing at poor Phil who had to endure such terror... but I wasn’t. I knew how he felt - embarrassed in front of strangers and friends. 

It’s been only five minutes since his supposed ex-fiancé waltzed into our apartment , three sheets to the wind , demanding for Phil to ‘come back to him’. We were all perplexed - especially Sophia who knew, or at least thought she knew Phil for decades and only now found out he was (and maybe still is) engaged. I was curious though. Did he lie about anything else? Perhaps this man, Jared -or whatever his name was- was the reason why Phil was crying in the toilet the other day. The more I thought about it the less I seemed to know. 

Also, how did I never notice that he was gay? 

“Wow mate, you alright?” Garrett asked. We both stood at the front door with our backs pressed to it as if the mysterious man was still trying to get himself in. Phil looked up from the ground. He was beet red and his eyes showed a mixture of sadness and embarrassment, yet he nodded. 

“Yeah, I think I’m going to head to my room. Sorry for ruining the party, hope you guys still have fun.” We all watched as Phil slowly went over to the kitchen to get the keys from the cupboard and disappeared into his room in dead silence. 

I looked over at Sophia. She was staring intensely at the ground whilst biting her lips, licking her dark lipstick in the process: it was her thinking face. She soon muttered a quiet ‘fuck’ and followed Phil to his room. Only after she left the party carried on. Someone turned up the volume on the speakers and the group of strangers went back to having fun as if nothing happened. Well, to them nothing really did happen but we were all still in a bit of a shock. 

I was so caught up that I completely forgot about something. 

“Dan?” Garrett, who was still at the same spot, whispered in my ear. 

“Yeah?” I responded.

“Where’s your shirt?”

-

Beth and Florence approached me in the kitchen whilst I was downing beer number four of the evening. I couldn’t remember why I decided to drink it to be quite honest. 

It was getting late - almost half three - and people started to finally leave. I went up to get my shirt I initially wanted to put on before the whole ‘weird flatmate’s ex-fiancé drama’ started and ended up in the kitchen, alcohol automatically in my hand. 

Florence, dressed in her witch costume, was half passing out and half mumbling incoherent words whilst being nudged by Beth’s shoulder. I chuckled at the sight. Usually, she was the most responsible one out of the group, but she also had a very low alcohol tolerance. That was the reason why she wasn’t fond of parties these days. For the most part, she chose to stay sober, but I couldn’t blame her. It had been a weird night. 

“I’m taking this one to her room. Do you mind?” Beth pointed to the kitchen cupboard behind me. I got out of her way so she could take the three remaining keys. 

“What a night huh? You’re probably celebrating, aren’t you?” she commented and leaned against the opposite side of the breakfast bar the same way I did. I didn’t understand her question so I hummed confusedly. 

“Come on, now that the competition has left the field. It’s time for you to score a goal! If you know what I mean?” She winked and kicked my calf with the top of her high heel. 

“You wish. I wasn’t brave enough the last six years. Why would I be now?” I huffed, putting the rim of the beer bottle against my lips. 

Suddenly I felt two hands - pretty strong hands for a five-foot-two girl - on my shoulders. Poor Florence slipped out of her friend’s grip and landed with her hands pressed on the counter, fighting gravity. 

“Oh no sir, you’re not getting pathetic again and ignoring your big crush on Sophia! You’ll put on your big boy pants and ask her out already or I’m doing it!” She spat right in my face, then embraced Flo with one arm and exited the kitchen. 

I wasn’t sure if it was an actual threat or just Beth not knowing how to be nice, but either way, I was scared already. 

-

After that night and the subsequent killer hangover (accompanied by awkward silence between us and Phil) I had to process things for a bit. On the train, on my way to work and back home, while hanging the clothes around the shop or eating a sandwich in silence, I tried to come up with a plan for how the hell this was going to work.

My relationships in the past were fairly spontaneous. One girlfriend in year ten whom I met through a mutual female friend. Oddly enough, I had more than enough confidence to ask her out. We almost immediately became a thing - a thing that lasted a couple of months before she changed schools and I started sixth-form. 

A year before I met Sophia I had two more girlfriends. Again, it was pretty easy to be in a relationship. I was never nervous asking them out, I usually just copied what my other guy friends did when we went out to bars and parties.

But it was different with Sophia because she was so far out of my league, despite being one of my best friends. I felt like she should be disgusted with me if I so much as breathed the same air as her. 

I had to approach this a different way; I couldn’t just ask her out on a date, she would laugh at me. 

I had to make her like me, somehow. 

When I entered the apartment after I took off my shoes and coat, I looked at myself in the mirror that was hanging near the entrance of our house. I couldn’t help but analyse each and every part of my awfully unfit body. My curly brown hair that I used to straighten, but now didn’t give a fuck about anymore, so it was all curled up. It was extra curly today from the rain, the hair strands turned into little piglet tails against my temples. My eyebrows were bushy, my cheeks red and my dimples - a defect my mother passed on to me - not adorable whatsoever. I couldn’t even stand straight for fuck's sake; my posture was always awful and I blame my twelve-year-old self who would be sat at the computer playing RuneScape until four in the morning. Aesthetically, there was not much I could change. I could get my hair cut or go to the gym to get rid of the pockets of fat I amassed during my time at uni. But to be honest, that wasn’t a likely scenario.

Suddenly I noticed that I wasn’t the first person to have come home. A low murmur was emerging from the living room. At first, I mistook it for a tv but then I picked up on Phil’s voice talking to someone else. The other voice was slightly distorted, so I assumed he was talking on skype. 

I moved closer in order to understand what they were saying. Phil was sitting on the couch with his back towards me and a laptop on his crossed legs. 

I stood there for a split second before deciding to leave as I didn’t want to be rude and disturb his call.  
“Oh, who’s there? Is that Jared?” A sweet, elderly voice sounded from the speakers of the laptop and Phil froze. 

“No mum, I told you guys I don’t live with Jared anymore, remember? He broke up with me.” his eyes flickered to me, giving me an ‘oh no what did you do’ look. I just stood there, trying to be as silent as a ghost. 

“I definitely saw someone walking there. Perhaps someone you don’t want us to know about?” The female voice started giggling and my eyes widened. Phil’s did too but he tried to hide his fear with a chuckle. 

“There really isn’t anyone here, mum.” 

“Oh well, if there is let him know that we would love to meet him. I hope he’s not like a one time fling now, is he?” 

“Okay, I have to go, mum, have a nice day, say hi to granny for me.” Phil slammed the laptop shut as soon as he clicked the ‘hang up’ icon. He looked at me. The same look from before but much more intense now. He also seemed scared, as he should because I demanded an explanation. 

“What the hell was that? Why didn’t you tell them I was your flatmate?” I went to sit in the armchair as Phil covered his face with his hands. 

He sighed. “Look, this will sound very stupid but... I told my parents I live on my own.” 

“Okay, why though?”

Phil was like thirty, wouldn’t he be allowed to live however he wants? This really made no sense. 

“It’s just, my parents were very excited when I told them I was getting married. They want me to be like my brother, married at twenty-eight with two children on the way. It was hard enough to tell them I’m gay. They expect me to buy a house on my own, marry and have kids as quickly as possible. I don’t want to disappoint them and tell them...”  
“That you’re basically living with four strangers?” I filled in for him. 

“Yeah, something like that. I mean, I could live on my own, but I don’t feel like it yet. How pathetic is that? A thirty-year-old who’s still scared of being an adult, settling down and having kids and stuff.” 

I could understand Phil a little. It was almost the same thing with my parents, although they didn’t bother to call me on skype or check up on me. They’d stopped sending money a long time ago and the only time I saw them was during Christmas, the only day of the year they were at home and not working. 

Back in the day when my father still cared, he wanted me to become a lawyer. He made sure I attended the best law school in the country and a year later I dropped out. Let’s just say we hadn’t had the best of relationships since then. 

“I’ve had the same problem with my parents actually. I just stopped caring what they think of me, this is my life you know. Doesn’t matter how old I am, I just do what feels good and comfortable for me.” I was almost shocked at what I was saying. Phil was barely a friend, I thought I hated him not even a week ago and now I was opening up about my family. This was going too far. 

But on the other hand, Phil looked like he needed it. Beth was still in my head, telling me to give him a chance, get to know him a little more before judging. Maybe she was right, but that didn’t mean I’d stop rolling my eyes at his childish behaviour that made him seem like a man-child. Or his fashion choices, because his closet was an explosion of all colours of the rainbow.

“I guess you’re right. The problem is that I already lied to them and now they think you’re my secret boyfriend slash a one night stand so yeah.” He grinned, looking up at me for a second before lowering his gaze again. 

“That’s alright, apparently I’m good with meeting the parents.” I blurted out without thinking. Crap, that sounded flirtatious and Phil must’ve noticed it too from the way his eyebrows rose. 

He was about to say something but I didn’t let him as I’d already stood up and marched towards the staircase. “That sounded very wrong, scratch that,” I mumbled on the way to my room, cringing with every step I took. Luckily Phil only responded with a cheerful laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very special thank you to my editor @litrallyjusttrash !!!


	6. night out.

Wednesday evening was pretty mundane, as per usual. Everyone was counting down to Friday, whilst still recovering from the horrible Monday they had. It was the laziest day of the week - besides Sunday.

Especially in December: the month of seasonal depression and nasty viruses. A week ago Garrett arrived home with a red nose and a scratchy voice. He works at a gym, which is a germ-utopia.Nowonder he caught a cold.   
Then it was Florence's turn, as well, probably because they were spending too much time together, sneezing on each other.

I had a little surprise prepared for them all but now I was wondering if it was going to work out. At least Sophia, Beth and Phil were still in good shape. They didn’t't have time to get sick, they'd all found the Christmas spirit a bit early. Especially Phil and Sophia who went overboard with the decorations. I was getting pretty sick myself from all the tinsel, fairy lights and other plastic crap from Poundland scattered everywhere.

So I hesitated to ask them until Friday. Garrett's sickness seemed to be fading away as Florence's was going strong. She took that day off from work so she looked a bit more fresh. Her long brown hair was still greasy though and the grey bags under her eyes were very prominent.

After dinner Beth took out Jenga and we were all focused on the game, apart from a frustrated Florence. Every time she tried to concentrate on taking a little block from the tower, she had to sneeze, but she kept going. She was a competitive kind of person after all. 

"Guys, by the way, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" I asked in the middle of the game, receiving an eye-roll from Flo.

"I wanted to go sky-diving this weekend actually," she answered sarcastically in a groggy voice.

"Don't be so grumpy Flo-flo, it's your turn." Sophia patted the head of the other brunette who glared at her in response. 

"Alright, but if you'd want to change your plans I have five tickets to Nebula, free drinks till midnight."

Florence gasped, which resulted in the tower tumbling over. Garret, Beth and Sophia looked the most excited. Nebula was the nightclub I work at on Saturdays. My boss gifted us five free tickets for Christmas. He must have felt guilty that we had to work so close to the holidays. My flatmates loved the club. Actually, they loved any occasion to get drunk and hook up with strangers, as they were all single.

Personally, I wasn't into all that. My club experiences started and ended at uni. That's why my job ended up being a pretty convenient excuse to skip every social Saturday. Plus, I was a bartender's assistant, or a 'barback' which didn’t demand a lot of interaction with others. Cleaning the glasses and handing out little straws wasn't that hard either. It was a fun job, and better than my day job. 

Everyone was behind the plan of course. Florence raided the entire cough, cold and flu section at Boots and decided she was healthy enough to go.

The club was located in the SoHo area. It attracted a rather large amount of people every Saturday. The group was not only big but surprisingly diverse. Everyone had different backgrounds, ethnicities and cultures. One thing that they all had in common was a full bank account. Nebula was pretty expensive. Thirty dollars a ticket - and that didnt include the overpriced drinks - wasn't nothing.

It was a little bit sad, I had to admit. My friends were in the same building, having the time of their lives as I was cutting lemons into wedges. That was the downside of being an extroverted introvert. I liked being social, but in moderation. But I was also happy they were happy, especially if it was for free. 

Half an hour after midnight I succeeded to meet Phil. I had just returned with clean gin and tonic glasses when I caught him sitting at the bar stool with a tenner in his hands. He was waiting for his drink with an unreadable expression on his face. I wondered what he ordered. He looked like a beer kind of guy.

"Having fun?" He jumped a little at my sight. He then changed his surprised look into a smile.

"Yeah, I lost the rest," he admitted.   
"This place is so big, no one told me you're a barista on this floor," he said in a loud voice over the music playing in the back. I was trained to read the customer's lips though. It was necessary, working at a club. 

"Not a barista, an assistant. I don't think anyone would trust me with preparing actual drinks." I multitasked, talking and placing the glasses on the shelves beneath the bar.

When I looked up at Phil I noticed something was off. He didn't seem very focused, his eyes drifted from one end of the bar to the other. He didn't even chuckle at my self-deprecating comment. 

Before I could ask him if he was okay, Robin turned to us with Phil's drink. Some fruity concoction in a margarita glass. Well, of course. 

"No flirting with the customers Howell, you know the rules. Also, can you check in the back for more straws?", she teased, sending a wink in my direction.

"Yes chef, also not funny," I answered dryly, but she was gone before she could hear it. I couldn't blame her, the customers made her work incessantly the whole night.

When I returned, the stool where Phil sat moments ago was empty. For some reason it saddened me. Where’ was that coming from? Not even a month ago I had begged for him to keep his mouth shut around me. Now I couldn't help but want to talk with him. 

Maybe we never started off on the right foot, but I was warming up to him more and more. If he hadn't been that close with Sophia in the first place we could have perhaps formed a friendship. 

My shift ended at half three, and luckily I found my friends outside the building waiting for me. They all looked very hammered. Especially Sophia and Beth who were shivering in their mini dresses and giggling like two toddlers after hearing a naughty word. Florence was wearing Garrett's coat which I found a little bit odd but then I remembered she was still sick. Garrett's a sweetheart when he's tipsy so that might be the explanation. Phil was the least drunk out of the four of them. The only indicators of him being tipsy were his red cheeks and hooded eyelids. 

We ordered two ubers. Garret, Flo and Phil decided to take the first one, because reasons. So I was stuck in the second car with the two girls that hadn't yet realised that the party was over.

In the car I tried to be as silent and respectful to the driver as possible but the girls were making it very hard. Beth sat on the right side, Soph in the middle and I on the left. They kept giggling about something incoherent into each other's ears.

"Hey Dan, Danny... Phil said he saw you!" Sophia mumbled out, turning her petite body from one side to another to get closer to me.

"Yeah, I know. He told me he lost you guys." My response must have been hilarious because the two couldn't hold their laughter.

"What's so funny?" 

"We know something, but we can't tell you," Beth said, slurring with each word. Sophia turned her head to the other side to slap Beth's chest. 

"You weren't supposed to say that!" she scolded her but then they cracked up even more. 

"Oh come on girls, now I'm curious," I said in a very not amused tone. Sophia proceeded to get closer to me and put her hand in between her mouth and my ear to tell me something.

"We think he's got a crush on you." Both her warm breath and the content of her message made me shiver. 

Oh.

At that moment I wondered if everything was intact in my body because it reacted very... abnormally. My heart sped up in my chest, it felt as if it was about to plummet down to my stomach. My cheeks and my neck got hotter and something weird was happening to my stomach. It all happened very quickly so I decided to ignore it and let out a nervous laugh. 

"Don't laugh! The way he talks about you is so cute," Sophia said dreamingly, clasping both of her hands together.

"He asked if you're straight, we said yeah because duh, but we didn't want to hurt his feelings," Beth filled in for Sophia. 

I couldn't believe them. Not that I was shocked, I knew they were both drunk and imagining stuff that didn't happen. On the other hand, drunk people were supposedly incapable of lying.

I looked out the window for the rest of the ride in silence. Luckily, after two more minutes of uncontrollable giggles the girls tapped out. Beth's head rested on Sophia's shoulder and Soph's head on her head. They looked adorable when their mouths were shut. I tried not to overthink the whole 'Phil has a crush on me' but failed every time. It made sense, in a way. Phil was often shy in front of me but I had reckoned it was because I used to be mean to him.

If it was true and he had a crush on me, I felt bad for him. I knew how it felt to like someone you couldn't have. Hopefully he would get over it. Sooner or later he would realise that I was just a huge coward and asshole anyway.

I decided to hide the whole concept far in the back of my head never to be revealed again after this night.


	7. Let it snow.

Since the day I moved to London there had never been any snow. It wasn't like I minded, it had rarely ever snowed back home so I wasn't attached to such weather. 

Today was different though. The white blanket covered not only the capital city but also the whole country, delivering a pleasant surprise to everyone just in time for Christmas. The news was apparently so bloody exciting that Florence took it upon herself to wake me up with annoying Christmas songs at eight in the morning. On a day off work I liked to sleep in till noon, but that, it seemed, was not happening. 

”He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.” She hummed the song behind the doors after banging on it for the last five minutes.

I wanted to shout at her but my mind wasn't fully awake yet. I pried my eyes open to see the white scenery of the London skyline outside my windows. It was just powdering yesterday, now the whole city was covered in thick snow. The room temperature had dropped a few degrees as well so I wrapped my long body in a fluffy blanket and made my way downstairs. 

”Merry Christmas Eve Dan!” Sophia greeted me from the kitchen. Everyone - including her - was already fully dressed and eating breakfast in silence. An off-day was usually also a wearing-pj’s-the-whole-day-day, but apparently that was different today, as well. 

Then it hit me. They were all leaving to visit their families. I quickly recognised Beth and Sophia’s two suitcases near the front door. I hadn't even noticed before that the two girls were wearing their coats and boots and eating their breakfast faster than usual. 

”You two, you're leaving already?” I asked, going to sit with them at the breakfast bar. Beth nodded, scraping the remaining porridge from the bottom of the bowl. 

”That’s why we made Flo wake you up, we wanted to say goodbye.” Sophia said before surprising me with a quick, one armed hug. I hugged her back and surprisingly the quickened beating of my heart didn't occur.

Beth followed after, her long brown curls tickling my chin. In contrast to Soph, she looked like a mess and probably also didn't want to wake up this early. After she pulled away she ruffled my hair and gave me the typical, smug smile of hers. 

”I really won’t miss you!” She said in an exaggerated voice. 

”I won't either, love. Stay away till New Year’s please.” I snapped back with the same amount of sarcasm. 

”You wish, we have to spend New Year's Eve together. After all, who’s gonna give you a midnight kiss?” she winked and I fake gagged, motioning my finger down my throat.

”Sorry to interrupt you two but we have to go. Happy Christmas guys!” Sophia pulled Beth away from me and they both headed to the front door. We all responded with 'happy’ and ‘merry Christmases’ and returned to whatever we were doing. In my case it was preparing breakfast. 

The lack of constant whistling and the fact that we still had milk in the fridge made me realise someone was missing. I looked behind my back at Florence sat at her preferred place on the sofa and Garrett on his leather chair. 

”Where’s Phil?” 

”He’s still at work.” Garrett answered. 

”On Christmas Eve?” 

”Yeah, he said the company is on a tight schedule or something. He probably won't be here till the afternoon.” I nodded and joined her on the armrest for a second with my bowl of cookie crisps (I could wait for another year to develop healthy eating habits). 

Florence and Garrett had been acting very strangely lately. They seemed all cold and uptight and avoided any interactions with the three of us which was weird. Especially from Garrett who was so bubbly and usually didn't know how to shut up. Sophia and I had talked about it for a minute when we were washing the dishes alone. She has noticed it too. Apparently she overheard them alone laughing and making jokes, but the moment she stepped into the room they stopped and went back to being silent. 

”When are you guys leaving?” I attempted to start a conversation. 

Garrett was the one that responded, though still avoiding eye contact. ”I think at twelve, you?” 

I panicked for a second. ”Uhm, at two.” Garrett's gaze was focused on the movie so luckily he didn't notice my nose twitching. It was always a sign of me lying. 

The truth was that I was spending Christmas on my own, as my family had decided to go on a trip to India and forgotten to tell me. At first I was fairly disappointed with my parents. I was their child, not some distant family member. We only saw each other a few times a year, they could really have remembered that one time to spend some time with me. But the reality was that my parents - especially my father - were both snobby assholes and a luxury hotel in Asia was more important than their eldest son. Now that I had come to terms with it I didn’t mind so much anymore. 

I decided to keep it to myself though, as I didn't want to bother my flatmates with my problems. Especially during Christmas. For all I knew, they'd try to take me with them and I would have to endure awkward conversations at the dinner table about why my parents were so stuck up. 

Flo and Garrett did in fact leave at twelve. They went to Essex in Garrett’s car, as coincidentally, it was where they'd both grown up. They had even attended the same uni for their first year, but only met after they moved here. 

Phil arrived thirty minutes earlier than predicted by Garrett. He seemed to be in a rush, power walking from one end of the apartment to another. Even when he was deeply focused his typical grin didn’t leave his face. That man loved Christmas, he fully adored it. I could only imagine how happy he must be to have a normal family to spend that time with. A normal father who'd make silly jokes at the table instead of bragging about his company. A mother who baked actual cookies instead of buying them and a brother who could pull a Christmas cracker with you instead of sitting on his phone 90 percent of the time. 

The sound of wheels rolling on the wooden floor came to halt. I looked behind me to see Phil standing at the door with a suitcase covered in various stickers and a red scarf that didn’t match him at all wrapped tightly around his neck. He jumped a little when we made eye contact, probably only noticing me right now.

“Oh, you’re still here?” He turned and walked over to me. I was sitting on the couch with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around my body and a laptop in my lap. 

“Yeah, I’m leaving in a few hours though.” I lied again. When his eyes wouldn’t leave my face I looked up, trying to figure out what he wanted. 

“Merry Christmas.” I mumbled out, before turning back to my laptop. 

“Merry Christmas Daniel.” He responded cheerfully before walking away. 

Only after the front door closed I let out a sigh of relief. Finally, I had the whole apartment to myself. Which meant I could play video games butt naked and no one would judge me for it. It was not what I wanted to do at all, but the idea that I could was just enough to satisfy me. 

I ignored the little bit of sorrow and turned on some music to get me in a better mood. Of course, I made sure to avoid any Christmas songs, the house decorations made me think of the cursed holiday enough. For a moment I felt like Kevin in Home Alone. Hopefully, and most likely, there wouldn't be any burglars stalking me to get into the house though. 

Or so I thought. Two hours into my alone time I heard some noises outside the front door. It sounded like something scratching at the lock of the door, like someone was trying to get in. I quickly ran into the kitchen and grabbed the first heavy thing I could find, which ended up being a metal pan Garrett left on the stove from this morning. I still didn't know what I was doing, sneaking in with my back pressed against the wall towards the entrance. The scratching sound became more and more aggressive and then the doorknob twitched. I squeezed my eyes shut and with all my strength I swung the pan at the potential invader.

“Ow.”

My eyes flew open. I gasped at the sight of my dark haired roommate laying on the floor, holding onto the back of his head. The hit wasn't that strong (probably because of fear and my very weak muscles) but still caused him to trip and fall onto his stomach. I dropped the pan, which made a loud, cluttering noise and closed the door so that the neighbors wouldn’t get the idea to call the police. 

”Phil, what are you doing here?” I reacted aghast at the appearance of my roommate out of nowhere. It had been a few hours since he left, he should already have been up North. 

I hunched over to inspect any possible bleeding but luckily my attack seemed harmless. ”Why did you hit me?” He asked, calmer, still rubbing the back of his head. 

”I thought you were a burglar! Weren't you supposed to be on a train to Manchester?” 

Phil proceeded to sit up and explain. His face was twisted in pain and he was trying to hide it, which made me feel guilty. He looked seriously hurt and it was pretty much all my fault. Had I not lied in the first place it would've never happened. 

“Yes, but my train and all the other trains got canceled due to the blizzard. I didn't expect anyone to be here. That’s why I tried to unlock an already unlocked door.” That would explain the scratchy noise I suppose. 

As Phil was standing up I tried to find an explanation of my own. There was no point in lying anymore, and it wasn't like the lie was harmful. It was just embarrassing on my behalf. I could tell he was waiting for what I was going to say. His gaze was fixed on me, he hadn’t even taken off his coat or scarf. 

”Well, and what are you doing here?” he asked. I let out a big breath. 

”I lied, I’m staying here for Christmas.”

His eyebrows lifted up, his irritation with me melting away completely. He started taking his scarf off and I could see the rest of his surprised face. 

”Really? Why’s that?” 

”It’s not a big deal, I swear. My parents went to India for a holiday and forgot to tell me. I decided to stay here and not tell anyone so I wouldn’t bother you guys with my problems.” I admitted quite sheepishly. Phil pursed his lips and looked somewhere else like he was thinking about something. 

”I don't mind being alone, though.” I continued. 

”Your bad then because you’re stuck with me. So prepare for the best day ever because I never once in my life had a bad Christmas.” He clapped his hands and beamed at me. I couldn’t help but smile at his excitement. Was there ever a moment this man wasn’t so darn excited about everything? 

The answer was no. He even found heating up an oven pizza thrilling. 

I discovered that evening that Phil was very much an introvert as well. I mean, it didn't surprise me. He was a cinema nerd, those people do nothing but hide in their bedrooms to watch hours upon hours of movies. Phil had a whole library full of them. When I helped him unpack that one time I was both weirded out and impressed at his collection.

”Dirty Dancing, really?” I asked when he pulled out the DVD case from a stack he prepared for us this evening. It was a popular movie, especially amongst women from my family like my aunties and nan. But never would I have guessed it was one of Phil’s favorites. Shouldn’t he like the movies like The Big Lebowski or other pompous ones? 

He got a bit flustered, I could tell by the little smile playing on his face and pink appearing under his eyes. ”It was my mum’s favorite, she had it on a cassette. It was also the only movie she owned a physical copy of, so it was on all the time. Also, come on, Patrick Swayze? How can you not like this movie.” 

I chuckled at his explanation. It made sense, the actor who played the dance instructor was a big piece of meat. Now as I thought about it, Jared wasn't really a lightweight either. He must have a type for very jacked guys. I didn’t know what to do with that information. 

”The ending scene is iconic by the way.” he picked up the remote to turn up the volume. I shook my head to banish the weird thoughts about my roommate. 

The movie ended up being a solid six out of five, but I simply told Phil I loved it. He seemed to be proud of himself to have made me change my mind about cheesy eighties movies and we went on to the next one. 

And a next one after that. By movie number three, The Sound of Music, I couldn’t stop myself from yawning. 

”You’re not mad I’m the one picking out the movies, right?” he asked all of the sudden in between the movies. He must have noticed my droopy eyes, I really needed that sleep in the morning. 

”No, it's not like I have any taste anyway. You're the professional, remember?” 

Phil shrugged. ”I wouldn't call myself a professional. I’m just a part of the post-production team, you could say my input in the movies is less than five percent.”

I scoffed. ”Oh go to hell. But what you do has a significance, you do something because you love it and you're paid for it! You found something you’re good at, I won't ever have that.” 

Phil was silent for a moment, probably just processing what I said. ”And acting? Sophia said you love acting.” 

Acting? That was just a distant dream, once very realistic when I was in high school but unreachable now. ”I used to do some acting in the school plays, mostly to freak out my Christian grandma and make friends. But, I’ll never be able to make an actual career of it.” 

Phil looked at me like I was dumb, and at that moment I did feel like it. Once again, he found a way to make me open up, almost effortlessly. 

”There are countless actors who started their careers at an older age. Morgan Freeman was fifty-two when he became famous. Fifty-two! You have like thirty years left.” 

I wish my mind worked the same way Phil’s did. In his little world everything was possible. Unfortunately, it wasn't like that and I’d probably just work at topshop for the rest of my life. 

“You’re right but Morgan Freeman has a fuckton of talent and I don’t.” I shrugged. 

“That’s nonsense and you know it. Come on, you goofed everyone into thinking you’d be leaving this morning. You’re a good liar, that’s basically what actors do. They pretend.” He was taking conclusions out of thin air but I didn’t care. I didn’t respond, not wanting to expand on that topic. 

“How are things with Sophia by the way? Are you going to tell her anytime soon?” He asked but I doubt he cared all that much. To be honest, my interest in her had lessened in the past few weeks, I didn’t know why. I still found her pretty and I couldn’t stop looking at her when she was near but the ‘want’ wasn’t there completely. Which was odd, I'd somehow thought it would be permanent. 

“I don’t know. Since I realised you’re not really a threat to me because you’re well- you know-” he chuckled but understood what I was trying to say, “I still have time to ask her out one day, if I ever will.” 

Phil nodded, staring in the distance for a moment. Something flashed in his eyes but disappeared as soon as he looked up. 

“Just don’t break her heart or anything or I’ll have to dissolve you in acid.” The fact that he said it so calmly scared me. 

“There’s the big brother talk I didn’t ask for.” He laughed and slid out another movie for us to watch. 

-

It was one am. I stirred from a quick nap in the middle of movie number five. The first thing I noticed was a pleasant heat around my body. When I opened up my eyes I noticed my blanket wasn’t only wrapped around my own body but Phil’s as well. We weren’t cuddling, thank God. I quickly discovered that Phil was also asleep. His cheek was pressed to the sofa cushion and his lips were parted as he breathed calmly. A strand of his hair had gotten into his closed eyelid. It seemed to tickle and irritate him, his head twitched a little with each breath. Slowly, I reached over to fix it when suddenly his eyes fluttered open and my heart stopped. 

Fortunately it was a false alarm as he went back to sleep right after.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for potential errors, english isn’t my first language.


End file.
